Chronicles of an Urban Cowboy

Where have I been for a few months. Well my attention has been side tracked, work has been keeping me busy and yes the economy. Yes, living in "The Valley of the Sun" has had its issues for the while. I have been keeping to myself more than usual. Hoping. Just hoping I can turn invisible and just disappear. My Irish temper has been more than tested at work and sometimes with family, I'll take off in my Jeep and drive. Drive till I don't know were. I've been to Flagstaff, Az and had a brew and burger and came home. Far south as Tucson, AZ for a burrito and ice tea and came home. There have been times when I wanted to call my former partner just to say hi, but can't see to dial his number.

Times I have felt lonely. I have friends, family, and coworkers who have given me and ear and a hug I still leave feeling unsatisfied and lost. I have not been to Washington state since August of last year when I brought my Jeep down. My last gift my mother gave to me before her passing. My mom. I have kept that very personal part of my heart to myself since she left. That void I've never healed as well as my older sister. Ruth-Marie and I shared a rough journey as kids. Though we had a privileged upbringing I'd give it away for some sanity when I was a child. Looking back I wanted to dissappear. I usually got lost in whatever I was reading were it be the The Three Investgators Series or The Hardy Boys. Journals I kept reveal what I went through. The yelling, drunkenness, verbally abusive father, and the separation of my parents. As more writing comes up. The more I'll have family ask about this and why I'm bringing it up. I told them not to read it. So I guess being gay does not count anymore.

This year has had many potholes. With the eledged recession that the government says we are not in. There are no homeowners losing thier houses. And there are no citizans going hungry. I wonder what they were smoking. Here in 'The Valley of the Sun' our housing market is a bust. First time people who used to donate to charites are now the ones seeking aid, and more names for holiday help.

Asked if I wanted to leave early this morning I thought,"sure why not." Now this employer relies on the the upcoming holiday season. Usually we have holiday help also, but not this year. The "Men in Brown" as we are called are suffering one of the worst holiday peak seasons ever. This is my 17th year and never have I seen it like this ever. Full time in house workers are being laid off if there job requires them to drive and hours are only being made up if one comes to work at midnight to load feeder trailers. I used to be heckled for staying part-time all these years and is saddens me to watch my fellow coworkers struggle to get hours they once had when overtime was plentiful

To one and all. wishing everyone a safe and festive Thanksgiving...

As American citizens were are prepared to vote for a new president. A new Commander of Chief. When casting your vote, vote who will earn his job as the President of the United States.

Enough said...............

Just taking a brief moment from the Cardinals and Cowboys game I laughed to myself when overtime resulted. My cousin and his grandson who rode back to Arizona with me talked and talked about Phoenix getting cremed by Dallas. Well I ate my words when a field goal happened. Fudge.

I enjoy my friendships I've made since I was in kindergarten to university to present. My circle extends to both straight and gay, but an honest friendship I relish than being stabbed in the back by a few who I am no longer on speaking terms with.

Today I was treated to a surprise from the mailman. Not just my monthly insurance payment, but a boxful of Canadian goodies. A gentleman who asked that I not divulged his name, but though-ly enjoy talking too sent me his friendship on his sleeve and hardy, "how do you do." in care package. "Mr X." an OTR truck driver and I usually enjoy talking about his travels on the road and where life takes him. A superman.

Getting into my Jeep to head to work this afternoon and channel surfing, but who should come on the radio.

"He's A Rebel" recorded by Darlene Love and released under the name, The Crystals. I've written an essay or two with the mention of that particular song. My mom whose love for all kinds of music would bop to this number when I was a child. I thought as I was older it was a song befitting my dad since he could test the patience of a saint. Besides Miss Love's booming voice, the love of a young girl for her rebel boyfriend is the love hate relationship of my parents. True love is truly bonded.

These changes and hard times are difficult for me to suppress. Though its been said that we are not in a recession, it sure appears we are. The rising cost of fuel, food, as well the housing crises makes it even harder what day by day brings to people.

My supervisor for the airport who is not broke, but caught in the housing stink told me that he's thinking about walking away from his home. A house he and his wife purchased for the giant sum of $300,000 in 2006 is now only worth 165,000. It could be about 10 years before it might appreciate to the sum it was purchased for. His next door neighbor who is out of work. A wife who is a homemaker is on the verge of foreclosure. Since he can't make car payments much less his mortgage. With his family to feed what his options.

I hate the thought about living "high on the hog," but truly thankful for a roof over my head and food in my gut. Some parents will not eat just so their children can. This is America?